Being Your Parent's Advocate During Illness and Hospitalization

As a nurse, I’ve seen firsthand the critical role that family members play in the care and recovery of patients. But when it’s your parent lying in that hospital bed, the responsibility takes on a whole new weight.

Recently, a friend of mine visited. At the age of 50, he had already faced the daunting challenge of caring for both of his parents through long-term illnesses and their eventual passing. The turmoil he described, not just during their hospitalizations but also dealing with the aftermath, underscored the importance of being a strong advocate for our loved ones. If not you, then who?

The Power of Advocacy

Asking Questions and Speaking Up

Never underestimate the power of a question. It’s easy to feel intimidated in a hospital setting, surrounded by professionals who seem to speak their own language. Hospitals are busy; sometimes, even the best medical teams can overlook details. Speaking up ensures that your parent’s needs are met. But remember, as a family member, you have the right to understand every aspect of your parent’s care.

- Clarify Medical Jargon: Don’t hesitate to ask doctors and nurses to explain terms or procedures in simple language. Understanding the treatment plan helps you make informed decisions.

- Know the Medications: Ask about the medications being prescribed, their purposes, potential side effects, and interactions with other drugs your parent might be taking. Specifically, inquire about pain and comfort medications, how often they are given, and the signs that indicate they are needed. Write the medication schedule on the whiteboard in your parent’s room. This helps you track and request them if they are not brought on time.

- Understand the Prognosis: Seek clear explanations about your parent’s condition, expected outcomes, and possible complications. This knowledge helps you prepare for what lies ahead.

- Voice Concerns: If something doesn’t seem right, whether it’s a change in your parent’s condition or a lapse in care, bring it up immediately. It’s better to address concerns early rather than waiting for them to escalate.

- Request Second Opinions: Don’t hesitate to ask for a second opinion if you’re uncertain about a diagnosis or treatment plan. It’s your right and can provide peace of mind or alternative options.

Asking for What Your Parent Needs

Your parent may have specific needs or preferences that can significantly impact their comfort and recovery.

- Personal Comforts: Bring items from home that can make your parent’s hospital stay more comfortable, such as their own pillow, a favorite blanket, or family photos.

- Special Requests: Whether it’s dietary preferences, spiritual needs, or accommodating a specific routine, communicate these to the healthcare team. Minor adjustments can make a big difference in your parent’s well-being.

- Additional Comforts: Advocate for an environment that promotes healing and comfort. Request to keep the lights dimmed, especially during rest periods, to create a more relaxing atmosphere. If possible, ask for fewer interruptions, as you can assist with basic needs and alert staff if something is needed. Consider using aromatherapy or playing calming music to create a soothing environment. If alarms on monitors are a source of stress, request to minimize their volume or frequency, particularly since you are present to monitor and respond as needed.

Caring for Yourself During These Times

As you focus on your parent’s care, taking care of yourself is equally important. Your well-being directly impacts your ability to advocate effectively and support your parent.

Asking for Help

- Engage with Hospital Staff: Utilize the support available from the hospital staff. They can assist with various tasks and provide guidance on how to manage the situation.

- Family Support: Don’t hesitate to ask family members for help. Delegating tasks can lighten your load and ensure that you’re not bearing the entire burden alone. Ask family members to assist with taking care of your own children, helping with transportation to school and events, or managing household duties.

- Support from Your Employer: Talk with your boss or HR department to see what accommodations can be made for you at work. This might include flexible working hours, working from home, or taking personal leave. Being open about your situation can help you find a balance between your professional responsibilities and caregiving duties.

Taking Breaks and Finding Fresh Air

- Regular Breaks: Ensure you take regular breaks. Short walks, stepping outside for fresh air, or even a few quiet moments in a different setting can help clear your mind and reduce stress.

- Physical Activity: Incorporate some physical activity, like a short walk, into your routine. It helps in reducing stress and maintaining your physical health.

Requesting Accommodations

- Comfort in the Room: Ask if a recliner or comfortable chair can be placed in your parent’s room. This allows you to rest and be close to your parent.

- Guest Meals: Inquire about meal availability for family members. Many hospitals offer guest meal services, making staying nourished without leaving the facility easier.

- Overnight Stays: Check if the hospital provides accommodations for family members to stay overnight. A nearby room or a cot can make a significant difference during prolonged hospital stays.

- Parking Passes: Request a parking pass or discounted parking. Hospitals often have provisions for family members of long-term patients.

Conclusion

Being your parents’ advocate during illness and hospitalization is a profound responsibility that requires courage, compassion, and persistence. It’s about asking questions, speaking up, and ensuring their needs are met with dignity and respect. Our parents took care of us when we were at our most vulnerable; now, it’s our turn to care for them. If not you, then who?

In my years as a nurse, I’ve seen the incredible difference that a dedicated family advocate can make. So, step up, ask those questions, and be the voice your parent needs. They deserve nothing less.

Remember, together...